I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When did angry sex become our thing?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
