I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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