Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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