she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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