Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
