Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize