Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she looked like the before picture.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
