all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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