Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
