Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
