Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know

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(727): a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know http://tfl.nu/finx

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(765): View more from Indiana

he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.

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(765): he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time. http://tfl.nu/3wkx

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(205): View more from Alabama

Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.

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(205): Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage. http://tfl.nu/pzck

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(251): View more from Alabama

There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.

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(251): There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged. http://tfl.nu/om7h

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(845): View more from New York

I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.

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(845): I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says. http://tfl.nu/83ho

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(510): View more from California

well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen

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(510): well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen http://tfl.nu/tcr3

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(757): View more from Virginia

I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.

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(757): I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/hl6i

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(514): View more from Quebec

Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?

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(514): Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene? http://tfl.nu/zsme

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"

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(918): As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy" http://tfl.nu/glce

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message

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(505): Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message http://tfl.nu/azaf

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(325): View more from Texas

I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.

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(325): I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/f5mq

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(719): View more from Colorado

New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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(719): New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget. http://tfl.nu/qqak

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(716): View more from New York

i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.

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(716): i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents. http://tfl.nu/knds

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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(832): And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking. http://tfl.nu/dun3

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(619): View more from California

I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!

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(619): I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends! http://tfl.nu/6jqq

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