Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?