My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
