i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
