Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
