somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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