i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class