exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"