we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.