I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.