Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.