my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.