The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
