Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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