got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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