DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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