just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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