i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
