and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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