elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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