I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
