Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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