how do flat chested girls get laid?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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