I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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