I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
