Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
