u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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