My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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