you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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