uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
