Umm I'm too high to move.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
