I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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