he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so let's talk penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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