Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing