im drinking this country out of the recession.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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