jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.