R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
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he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves