What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?