I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?