I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"