Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably