and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
