she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize