but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
