I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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