Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
