It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
