playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
