craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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