sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
