Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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