There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize