I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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