Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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