Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
