Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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