I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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