i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize