Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
